Sex Addiction Causes

This post is a reprint from Sonoran Counseling Center Dr Robert Wise LCSW CSAT-S. Research is demonstrating how this horrible addiction is about "Brain-Science" and body chemistry. When coupled with scriptures, we suddenly understand the difficulty of healing and recovery. Dr. Patrick Carnes suggests that recovery may be 14 years if ever. If secular science is declaring this, then how much more should the church be equipped in spiritual power contained in the scriptures!

What “Causes” Sex Addiction?

Have you ever thought you would feel less afraid and have more control if only you could understand “how” and “why” sex addiction happened to you?

Maybe sex addiction would make sense if you could understand the disease progression or point to traumatic events or stressful times that caused it to get so out of control.

Something logical would have to help. Right?

Could good enough answers to “how” and “why” help you cope with the shame of your sexual behavior or could it help make sex addiction rational enough to know whether you should stay in or get out of the relationship?

You don’t need to know “how” or “why” when your ship is sinking.Needing to know these answers is what sent the lead engineer of the Titanic down into the ship as it slowly sank. He needed to know “how” this happened and “why” the ship was sinking. He might have found out too, but not before it was too late.

He could have been in the life raft, but he wasn’t.

My point is, if your ship is sinking, then you may want to know “how” or “why”, but you don’t need to know. Get in the life raft and save “how” or “why” for another day.

This means getting stopped and staying stopped for the sex addict and finding a safe support for spouses and partners – before doing anything else.

Yes, knowing more about the causes of sex addiction is a part of recovery, but it’s not what gets you sexually sober. <br/ >

Knowing “how” and “why” is not your life raft.

Get stopped first, and then consider the “causes” of sex addiction

The “Causes” of Sex Addiction

Patrick Carnes, PhD, expert in the treatment of sex addiction and author of the groundbreaking work, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, did a survey profiling 650 self-identified sex addicts (The Making of a Sex Addict, Carnes, 2003).

Here’s what he found:

Legacy of Addiction

▪   87% of sex addicts had other family members who were addicts.

Sex Addicts had Rigid, Disengaged, or Both Rigid and Disengaged Parents

▪   77% of sex addicts experienced their families as rigid, dogmatic, and inflexible.

▪   87% of sex addicts experienced their families as disengaged, detached, and uninvolved.

▪   68% of sex addicts experienced their families as both rigid and disengaged.

Sex Addicts Experienced Childhood Abuse

▪   72% of sex addicts reported Physical abuse

▪   81% of sex addicts reported Sexual abuse

▪   97% of sex addicts reported Emotional abuse (Include in this category, neglect, and abandonment – perhaps the most common form of emotional abuse).

Sex Addicts Respond to Trauma and High Stress in Dysfunctional Patterns

As adults, sex addicts repeat old patterns of responding to stress that began as logical coping skills.

What were once necessary “skills” of emotional survival become impulsive and destructive patterns of thinking and behaving. We call these patterns, “Trauma Responses.”

Trauma Responses

▪   Post Traumatic Stress Reactions – 64% of sex addicts reported intrusive physiological and psychological “alarm” responses when under stress.

▪   Traumatic Arousal – 64% of sex addicts reported patterns of seeking or finding pleasure in the presence of extreme danger, violence, risk, or shame.

▪   Traumatic Blocking – 69% of sex addicts reported efforts to numb, block out, or overwhelm residual feelings connected to trauma or high stress.

▪   Traumatic Avoidance – 76% of sex addicts reported escaping traumatic realities by escaping, “zoning out” or dissociating from stressful experiences.

▪   Traumatic Shame – 72% of sex addicts reported a profound sense of unworthiness and self-hatred as an adult response to threats and high stress.

▪   Traumatic Repetition – 69% of sex addicts responded to adult stress by repeating behavior patterns or seeking situations or people that re-create some past trauma experience.

▪   Traumatic Bonding – 69% of sex addicts responded to high stress by seeking and staying in dysfunctional relationships that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation.

Problem: Chronic Stress from Trauma, Abuse, Neglect, and Abandonment

Solution: Sex

Sex addiction is a dependency that begins with the discovery that sex feels good and can bring relief and escape. With sex, there’s always more, and it’s freely available with as little as an arousing thought.

No wonder the brain takes notice.

Sex is also the first mood-altering experience that most us ever have. It’s very powerful, especially for a child in need of emotional relief, and for many adolescents, sex becomes a necessary and reliable solution for the problem of chronic stress.

The Brain Learns and Changes

Our brains take note of what works to solve problems and builds strong connections linking problems with solutions. We call these connections, “neural pathways”, and they save us from needing to solve the same problems again and again.

We remember what worked the last time and stick with it the next time. Every time it works, the neural pathway is reinforced.

It’s like an old dirt road. Deep grooves wear deeper and deeper the more it’s driven. The road would fade if it was abandoned, but it’s not. Instead, the rutted road to the sex solution gets travelled again and again.

This process is just one of a whole system of changes in the brain as a result of a long-term addictive relationship to sex. Read more about the brain and sex addiction here.

Summary

The causes of sex addiction are many, and the potential interactions of these causes are greater still.

So much of our understanding of sex addiction really is brain science, but as we learn more about these causes, interventions get more effective and more likely.

Remember, children don’t ask for the trauma, abuse, or neglect they experience and they’re not responsible for what happens to them in those years. As Adults, We Are Responsible for Our Behavior.

I urge you now to take that responsibility and do the hard work of repairing the harm you’ve caused yourself and others in your addiction. Get sexually sober.

Recovery is possible, but you have to start.

Learn more about our process of recovery from sex addiction.

Crying Out To God

What is the difference between the prayers of the saints in scripture and our prayers today? Perhaps the answer is; “there was a fervency in the prayers of biblical saints – a fervency that is inherent in crying out.”

·      When this truth is grasped that God actually hears our prayers, we will not have to be convinced to raise our voice in praise and requests.

·      Because words have meaning when used in sentences to communicate ideas and thoughts, it is important to understand the use of biblical words in context. Establishing this context entails tracing words to their origin and then allowing them to speak their meaning which in turn gives us a range of meaning that influences interpretation.

1.     CALL OUT TO ME

a.     “qara”[qo-rey] – meaning to call upon or invoke a name for help in a time of need.

b.     “and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you shall glorify me” Psa 50:15 ESV

c.      “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psa 145:18 ESV

2.     An Outflow Not A Formula

a.     “siah”[si-yah] – occupy one’s attention, by means of uttering

b.     “eheme”[hamah] – groan loudly, roaring

c.      “Evening and morning and at noon I will utter my complaint and will moan, and he hears my voice” Psa 55:17

3.     Wailing Cry

a.     “sa-quo”[tsa-aq] – a cry of wailing

b.     “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears them out of their troubles.” Psa 34:17 ESV

4.     Jubilation or Lament

a.     “rennati”[rinnah] – The range of this word entails loud jubilation or loud lament or wailing

b.     “Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer” Psa 61:1 ESV

Repeatedly David uttered aloud with deep emotion his cries; “I cried to the Lord with my voice and He heard me from His holy hill…O Lord my God I cried out to you and you healed me” [Psa 3:4; 30:2].

Over and over David demonstrates his trust that God would hear him yet again; “The Lord will hear when I call to Him…To You I will cry O Lord my Rock…Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to you” [Psa 4:3; 28:1-2]. This was not a magical formula or rabbit’s foot gimmick with David. It was sincere belief that when I cry out loud that God hears my cry and answers me. It was a natural outflow for David.

1.     The Holy Spirit Prompting

a.     “krazon” – Shriek, cry out, scream”

b.     “And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “ABBA FATHER!” [Galatians 4:6 ESV]

                                                i.     Who is doing the Shrieking, crying out loud, screaming in this context?

                                               ii.     The Holy Spirit is prompting us to do the same unto our heavenly Father.

Habits Die Hard

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest asset or heaviest burden.
I will push you up to success or down to disappointment.
I am at your command.
Half the things you do might just as well be turned over to me.
For I can do them quickly, correctly, and profitably.
I am easily managed; just be firm with me.
Those who are great, I have made great.
Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine, though I work with the precision of a
machine and the intelligence of a person.
You can run me for profit, or you can run me for ruin.
Show me how you want it done. Educate me. Train me.
Lead me. Reward me.
And I will then...do it automatically.
I am your servant.
Who am I?
I am a habit.

Authors Mac Anderson & John J Murphy

5 T's of Biblical Stewardship

Stewardship Series: TITHING

“A Joyful Plan That Cannot Fail”

Preaching Portion: Selected Scriptures

Subject: Tithing

Theme: Biblical Giving

INTRO: Becoming a joyful Biblical giver requires a PLAN! The old adage is true; “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there. If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time.”

• Consider our current national attitude:
• By a margin of 3 to 1 Americans believe that spiritual development is absolutely important.
• By the same 3 to 1 margin Americans will pursue their own spiritual system and reject established denominational systems.
• Eli Lilly Endowment in a research report entitled; “Pastors: The Reluctant Stewards” discovered that 90% of pastors had never been taught stewardship principles in seminary.
• One national study discovered that 85% of pastors did not feel prepared through their seminary or denomination.
• 80% of pastors surveyed indicated their church has no active vision to advance biblical stewardship teaching in their churches.
• 90% of the denominations in the National Association of Evangelicals they had no minimal effective programs or resources to assist pastors.
• In a recent survey of Christian College libraries found that the books available on biblical stewardship were written between 1889 and 1945. There has been no real advancement made in Christian writing on this subject in the last fifty years.
• The “Empty Tomb Inc.” has completed a thirty-year study on the decline of Christian giving. Their discovery has shown that 2 of 10 Christians actively give 10% or more of their income to the Lord’s work in America.
• Being a joyful Biblical giver in the face of a negative American economy is the goal. You need a plan of action. Not a shot-gun blast approach, rather a rifle shot approach. A plan that will not fail.

PROP: Every Christian can become a biblical giver.

T.S: Every Christian can become a biblical giver by gleaning insights on the biblical pattern that God instituted through various scriptures.

1)    A Required Plan: The Ancient Hebrews – Selected Scriptures

a)     Tithing Before The Law – Genesis 14:17-20

i)      Tithing (returning one-tenth of one’s income to God) was the normal practice in the Old Testament. While it was prescribed in the Mosaic Law (Leviticus 27:30-33; Numbers 18:26), it started long before God chiseled his commandments into stone at Sinai.

ii)    Abraham had just defeated the King that sacked Sodom and Gomorrah and captured Abraham’s nephew Lot. Abraham gave a tenth of all which was recognized by King Melchizedek.

iii)   Abraham’s grandson, Jacob also offered tithes to the Lord in Genesis 28:20-22. The morning after God had revealed himself in a dream to Jacob at Bethel, the patriarch set up a sacred stone to commemorate the event.

b)    Tithing Under The Law – Numbers 18:24

i)      “For the tithe of the sons of Israel, which they offer as an offering to the Lord, I have given to the Levites for an inheritance; therefore I have said concerning them, ‘They shall have no inheritance among the sons of Israel.’”

ii)    The Levites had no inheritance of land among the Israelites. There job was to care for the tabernacle. Their sustenance came from the tithe. The Levites in turn gave a tenth to support the High Priest.

iii)   They honored God by giving back a portion that God had given to them. Tithing was a law with heart and purpose.

c)     Tithing was not the only provision for giving under the Mosaic Law. They were encouraged to give on special occasions, such as building the tabernacle and freewill offerings as their heart moved them.

d)    God Took Tithing Serious

i)      “Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed You?’ In tithes and offerings.” Malachi 3:8

ii)    Christians in Malachi’s day had stopped obeying this part of the Law, of which tithing was part. In dismissing that part of the Law, they were not only robbing God materially, they were robbing Him of his rightful place within the community.

2)    A Similar Plan: The First-Century Church – Selected Scriptures

a)     Christ renounced the pharisaic method of tithing – which had become heartless, legalistic obligation. He never rescinded tithing as a legitimate method of consistent giving. The New Testament clearly supports planned systematic giving.

b)    Systematic Giving – 1 Corinthians 16:1-4

i)      Paul is not prescribing a percentage of gross income here. But he is supporting the deliberate, consistent setting aside of funds for the work of the ministry.

c)     Spontaneous Giving – The early church gave from time to time special offerings to help other churches that were struggling.